These Advice from A Parent Which Rescued Us during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was just just surviving for a year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of being a father.

But the actual experience rapidly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, each diaper… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good place. You must get support. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a larger failure to open up amongst men, who still absorb damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a display of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a pause - going on a short trip overseas, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to change how he felt, turning in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a family member, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, changed how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I believe my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."